Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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