I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
