Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
