Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
