How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize