Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
