dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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