you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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