he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
