How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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