Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
