my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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