Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
