Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Randomize
