I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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