before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
