Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
