I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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