My liver just broke up with me...
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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