70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
