Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
