You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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