So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
