I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
