if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
