Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize
