How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
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