Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize