Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Screwed.edu
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
