Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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