Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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