She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
