New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
