he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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