yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I still have a little drunk in my system
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
