he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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