If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
