A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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