you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
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