Where are you?
In a non slutty way
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize