Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
