that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize