just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
