Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
