My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
