he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
