party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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