dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
