I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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