so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
