I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
