my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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