she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize