I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
