I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize