He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
