Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize