I think scott just propositioned me for sex
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
