Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
