she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
