you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
