don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
