Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
