what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
