we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
