watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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