she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
