we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
