You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
