I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
