dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
