This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
