This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
