My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
