The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
