There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
third nipple confirmed
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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