I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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