Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
