The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
