Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
