ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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