You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
