My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
