My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
