You're my little dorito
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Im part way to drunk.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
