Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
