took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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