ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
