just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
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