I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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