I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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