i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
