my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize