I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
