guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
She said her name was "party"
You can't special order awesome
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
