They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
