Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize