this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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