i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
