My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't deserve a penis
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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