Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Randomize
