I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
